Annie Croner [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the Whole Assistant Podcast, where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Kroner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies, and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome back to the Whole Assistant Podcast. Today I'm gonna be talking about the hidden reason you may be feeling stuck. Stuck. I have been having a year of total expansion, and my word of the year is breakthrough.
Annie Croner [00:00:37]:
If you've been following the podcast for any amount of time, you may know that I do a vision board at the beginning of every year, and on that vision board is my word of the year along with certain goals or certain benchmarks that I want to accomplish. One of those benchmarks is writing my first book, and I just wrapped up the final edits on my book, and I will be sharing more details in the coming months about that book with you all. But for the sake of this episode, I'm gonna kind of pull back the curtain on my life, and I'm gonna share how you can get unstuck and how you can move past that feeling of stuckness if that is in fact your reality right now. Last year was a big year of releasing and letting go, and this year is a big year of expansion for me. My word of the year on my vision board is breakthrough. So whenever we pick a big word, I've learned that living into it is really challenging. And as I feel called to level up in multiple areas of my life, with some of which I'm gonna share with you here today, this idea of moving past my own internal set point or my own internal thermostat to receive more, to allow more to come into my life, to allow more abundant success and love to enter my life has been Very profound for me, and it's been extremely challenging at the same time. So the book I'm gonna reference throughout this entire podcast episode is A Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.
Annie Croner [00:02:05]:
I love this book. I round on this book at least 2 or 3 times a year. I kid you not. And every time I listen to it, I pick up other nuggets. I pick up new things, new concepts, depending on where I am in life. And I'm listening to it again. Mm-hmm. Right.
Annie Croner [00:02:21]:
Currently, as I record this podcast episode, and this idea of internal thermostats is really resonating with me right now as I've released so much and as I'm calling in what I want for this next chapter of my life. And there are 3 kind of things that I'm going to talk about when it comes to your internal set point and how you can level up or expand that set point to allow for more abundant success and love in your own life. So those 3 things that create your internal set point are your self-concept, worthiness, and capacity. Here's the deal. I am a believer that you can have all the technical skills required for the next level in your career. You can be super smart, super on top of things, have your processes in place, have all the skills you need in order to ask for a pay increase or in order to Uh, receive a promotion, and yet you can still struggle with the actual asking or this idea of actually creating capacity for what it is that you want. And what ends up happening is we try and externally solve for an internal issue. We try and go for another certification or take another training and hoping that that will help prepare us for the next thing.
Annie Croner [00:03:43]:
And look, guys, obviously I'm in the professional development space. Obviously I love trainings. Obviously I love equipping you all with boots-on-the-ground strategies for developing your strategic partnership and leveling up. I will say that that is gonna be very profound and helpful for you, but it's nothing if you do not level up your self-concept, if you do not level up your worthiness, and if you do not create the capacity for creating the life you wanna lead. and for having the actual result that you want, okay? So first, we're gonna start off by talking about your self-concept. Do you see yourself as someone capable of operating at a higher level? My guess would be that if you're listening to this podcast, if you're growth-oriented, that you probably already are operating at the higher level, but for some reason, your self-concept has not caught up to that. And it was really interesting going through this process of writing this book over the last 8 months or so, And making this connection between self-concept and a strategic business partner, because most of you are already doing the work of a strategic business partner, your self-concept has not caught up to that yet. And I find it really fascinating the more I was diving in and writing and the more I was actually obsessively thinking about what a strategic business partner is and how that looks and the core function and all those sort of things, y'all are doing the work.
Annie Croner [00:05:12]:
You're already doing the work of a strategic business partner, and you're not actually acknowledging that because you're discounting it. And if you wanna hear more about that piece, you can go listen to last week's episode where I break down those things. But I will say that your self-concept is gonna be paramount to your success. And oftentimes the self-concept piece, the biggest barrier to success is either fear of failure Fear of how others will see you if you succeed. And this one is a big one. And Gay Hendricks covers this in his book, The Big Leap, a lot. He talks about this a lot around that internal set point. And once we push past that, our bodies, our brains bring us back down to the normal set point because it's scary, because we're so afraid of how others will perceive us if we actually succeed.
Annie Croner [00:05:58]:
And I have coached so many executive assistants. I've clocked thousands of hours of coaching at this point. And I can attest to this. I think that sometimes we think we're gonna be seen as arrogant. We think we're gonna be seen as egotistical. We think we're gonna be seen as selfish if we actually ask for what we want or if our self-concept has improved. And so we stay small because small is comfortable instead of actually allowing ourselves to expand, allowing ourselves to be perceived however we're gonna be perceived, but using our voice more. And I will also say, if you are so afraid of being seen as arrogant, you're not gonna be seen as arrogant.
Annie Croner [00:06:33]:
Actually allowing your self-concept to expand and to the point where you can step into the role of strategic business partner and know that you are worthy will be really huge for you. And it will help you actually be more effective in your role because you will actually step into the fullness of your power within that role instead of giving away your power to other people, to external validation, to that sort of thing. I think also a lot of us feel like everyone in the room knows more than we do. But I've said this before on this podcast, that can be your greatest superpower. Being the weirdo in the room, in any room, in ELT, in a board meeting, wherever you are, where everyone around you has some expertise for the business, and you're sitting there and you're like, why am I here? You're there because your voice is valued and because you actually have something to contribute because you have a different vantage point on the business. There again, you're that bridge piece between your executive and the rest of the organization. So actually using your voice seeing yourself as someone who should be using their voice, seeing yourself as valuable in that space is probably the greatest self-concept flex that I can possibly think of because you're going to be adding so much value to your executive. You're going to be adding so much value to your organization.
Annie Croner [00:07:48]:
Another question that I would have you ask yourself is, where has my capability outgrown the way I think about myself? Are you experiencing some cognitive dissonance there, knowing that you're capable of so much more and yet still feeling this need to shrink to fit, right? Still feeling this self-concept of, oh, I'm just an assistant. It's not my place to speak up. They're the experts. My voice doesn't really matter in this space. Where has your capability actually outgrown this way of thinking about yourself and how can you leverage your capability in order to level up and create that confidence piece for you so that you can actually actively use your voice In any space, and you can add that value to your executive and the rest of the organization as well. The next piece to this whole thermometer that we have internally is worthiness. Now, I'm gonna start this section of this podcast by just saying that worthiness just is. Worthiness just is.
Annie Croner [00:08:53]:
There's nothing you can do to earn worthiness as a human. There's nothing you can actually do to prove your worthiness as a human. But what I wanna talk about today with regard to this segment is, do you believe you actually get to have whatever it is that you desire? Do you believe you're actually worthy? Do you believe that you can expand in abundant success and love and hold that? And that you are worthy of that, or are you trying to prove your worthiness? So here is where worthiness shows up, or even lack of worthiness shows up for us as executive assistants. I've just noticed over my years of coaching when we downplay our accomplishments, if we kind of cringe whenever we get a compliment or we downplay our accomplishments because we are unsure how to receive that compliment, that is a good sign that maybe there's some worthiness that you wanna work on and you wanna actually expand into the worthiness that you already are and be able to receive and hold that worthiness. Maybe you try and play it down or you feel guilty whenever you ask for what you feel like you deserve. Maybe you overwork to earn your place. There again, this overworking thing to try and earn your place is often a sign that we're trying to solve for an internal problem by taking And what ends up happening in that situation is that more often than not, you chase the feeling of worthiness without actually achieving that because worthiness is always slightly out of reach for you, right? So are you overworking to earn your place? Do you struggle to receive praise? Do you immediately justify when someone else deserves an opportunity more? Do you ask for less than what you actually want? Do you believe you have to become more impressive before you are allowed to actually want more? So here's a question I would have us all answer when it comes to worthiness. What if you don't need to do more to become worthy of the next level? What if you need to stop requiring yourself to continually prove that you're worthy of it? What if that's all? Maybe we just take away this requirement to continually prove our worth.
Annie Croner [00:11:16]:
And just decide that you are worthy, that you deserve good things, that you deserve a promotion, that you deserve a pay raise, whatever it is that your heart desires. Maybe you just decide right now that you're worthy of it. And look, there may be gaps that you need to fill in. I'm not saying that that's not the case sometimes, but you'll know what those gaps are because you'll have had the conversation with your executive. You'll know what you need to work on in order to achieve a pay increase or promotion, but you have actually had the conversation with Your executive. Instead of hiding, instead of trying to prove your value, instead of chasing something, that chasing energy, we just stand in our own enoughness. We stand in our own worthiness. And last but not least, when it comes to this whole idea of resetting your internal thermostat, is this idea of capacity.
Annie Croner [00:12:05]:
Can you hold what you are asking for? And this one, Lands very, very strongly in my heart because this is what I have been working on all year long. I have got my self-concept on lock. I know I am worthy of good things in my life. I've worked on those pieces ad nauseam, and now for me it comes down to capacity, capacity to have, capacity to hold. The first area is with being a mom. I want to create capacity to hold joy with my boys. I wanna create capacity for their big emotions. I wanna create capacity.
Annie Croner [00:12:41]:
For grace for myself. And when you have 2 rambunctious boys, my boys are 4 and 6 years old, it's just a lot. It's a lot on my nervous system. It's a lot on how I plan our time. There's just a lot involved and it's a lot of energy to keep up with. And so creating that capacity for myself has been really profound. It's been some of the hardest work I've done. Also working on my nervous system in multiple areas as well.
Annie Croner [00:13:07]:
I may have touched on this in the past, but dance has been huge for my nervous system and self-regulation and all of that, and tapping into joy in my body in any capacity. And that's been super fun. But really, especially with becoming a mom and wanting to be there for my boys in a meaningful way and not wanting to be dysregulated around them and whatnot, creating that capacity for success and that capacity to experience discomfort without making it my boys' problem or theirs to fix, right? And that has been huge for me over this last year as I navigate that. I have a life coach that I'm seeing that I love. Her name's Tyona. And I have my therapist who also helps me with these things as well. So I get the support I need in order to create the capacity for the life I wanna live and for showing up purposefully and on purpose with my boys. Another area of life that this shows up in, in terms of capacity, is in my business.
Annie Croner [00:14:07]:
And I went to Hawaii back in June, met with my mastermind group, a group of ladies that I've been working with for the last 6 months, or at that point have been working with for the last 6 months. And man, my business, I got such a wider scope for what this business can become and for the impact it can have. And one piece of that was prior to this retreat, I had never Ever considered recruiting. I've been approached multiple times to recruit for people. Like no, no, no, no, no. And on this retreat, there were some financial advisors there, and I was really advocating for the role of executive assistant. These people were sharing their pain points and what was going on for them. Like an executive assistant could take that off your plate.
Annie Croner [00:14:47]:
A personal slash executive assistant could help you manage your life, streamline everything, streamline your home processes, streamline workflows, and that sort of thing. In the office specifically. And I have so far placed one person in that space. I'm only recruiting now for high net worth individuals and in especially the financial space. So VC, family office space, that kind of thing. And that has been tremendously profound. That's also affected my self-concept, right? Because before I'm like, I'm only for the executive assistant, but as I was on this retreat, I had this like expansion moment of like, wait a minute, if I could coach the executive and the assistant and that partnership through the onboarding process, really pair the executive assistant with a great executive. And I've got my process down for like figuring out who I will work with and who I won't.
Annie Croner [00:15:42]:
I'm very picky. I'm not gonna advertise it on my website. It's gonna be by referral only. And that has been a huge expansion for me and it's expanded the revenue in my business tremendously. And it has also been just a lot of fun. And I was able to create the capacity for that. And part of this is like, all of this is interwoven, right? It's worthiness, it is capacity, it is self-concept. And those things, when they're interwoven, that's when the magic happens.
Annie Croner [00:16:11]:
And that's another area where this capacity work has really, really helped in sinking into this, the discomfort of exploration, sinking into the discomfort of doing something I have never done before has been tremendously helpful and really eye-opening for me as well. And then also relationships and expanding my capacity there and exploring with my therapist, exploring with my coach what a romantic relationship could look like in the future, and writing down my, like, desires and getting them out of my head and onto paper. And what does that look like? And what does creating capacity for that look like? And Even dipping my toe a little bit into the dating world again and creating capacity for that, and then also sinking into the discomfort of uncertainty in dating. And I meet plenty of men in the wild, and it's really interesting because I've gone on a couple dates with men that I've met in the wild. Nothing's really lasted or clicked. But as I explore and dip my toe into the dating apps and all of that, that's wildly uncertain as well. And also this idea of what if I get stood up on a date and coming back to myself in a really powerful way and being like, you know what, if I get stood up, I'm still gonna have a good time because I'm me and I am my own best good time. I'm my own fun.
Annie Croner [00:17:40]:
And really relying on that and having developed that over the years and even coming back to that sense of, hey. Yeah. I'm gonna be good here. This is just for me to explore myself as much as it's for me to explore me in relationship or, or another person as well. So really creating the capacity for all these different aspects, for being a mom and for my business and for relationships. Also really wanting to expand and grow my friendships and take my friendships deeper. I've got a couple friends who I've grown in deepness. As friends with these ladies, and that's super fun.
Annie Croner [00:18:15]:
And it's really great to be able to be there at a whole new level for them, and to be present at a whole new level, and to just see those relationships flourish and creating the capacity for those things, and also the capacity for myself to go enjoy myself and enjoy my own company. I take myself out on dates. I take myself out dancing regularly. I take myself out to dinner, and I just have a good time with me. And that is a beautiful, beautiful gift, and that is a capacity that I've created over the last. Couple years, and it's just been so much fun to explore those different things as well. So capacity work can be super, super, super profound, and if you have not considered how your capacity may be affecting your overall life, how your capacity may be affecting your career, I would have a look at that. Is there an area of your life that you actually want to expand and grow into, and that you experience discomfort now in, But that in the future you may have built that muscle.
Annie Croner [00:19:15]:
Your ability to hold uncertainty is directly tied to your ability to hold more abundance, success, and love. And here's the deal, guys. You don't build capacity by waiting for the next level to feel comfortable. That's not how this works. You build capacity by practicing holding small amounts of discomfort all along the way and increasing your ability to experience discomfort all along. the way. Your next level will come with your capacity to take risks, your capacity for failure, your capacity to committing to getting back up again. Like just the decision, like, I don't care what happens here.
Annie Croner [00:19:56]:
I don't care if I fail miserably. I don't care if I fall flat on my face. And so like, for me, that was, that's been something I've been practicing and I find that it's in direct correlation with the amount of joy I'm allowing myself to have. And the amount of fun and really a more vivacious, full, amazing life, right? So now I just, I'm gonna pivot for just a minute and I'm just gonna share why we mistake internal growth for a skills problem. And when we're stuck, it's much easier to say, I need another certification. I just take another training. than it is to say, I don't fully trust myself here. I feel uncertain.
Annie Croner [00:20:40]:
I feel unsteady. I feel uneasy. It's much easier to master another software platform or another tool or another AI strategy or whatever than it is to risk being wrong in front of the ELT. It's easier to work harder and try and prove ourselves than it is to use your voice and ask for the pay raise. It's easier to improve your resume than to admit you don't fully believe you're qualified for the job you want, right? And skill building feels productive because it's measurable, and internal expansion is messier. Yet sometimes that's exactly where the work is, is in the internal messy expansion and just allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotion as they come up. As you expand internally and as you grow and as you develop new capacity and all that sort of stuff. So this is a very loaded, loaded episode.
Annie Croner [00:21:42]:
Um, self-concept, worthiness, capacity, very, very powerful tools for your next expansion and for your growth. Do not overlook them. Of course, take trainings. Of course, expand in that way as well. But in order for you to actually have the life you want, in order for you to actually create the career you want, you've got to expand in capacity, in worthiness, and in your self-concepts. Okay, so this week's power move is to choose one thing that you want for the next level of your career and then write it out. I want blah, blah, blah. And then we're gonna write the sentence The version of me who has this believes...
Annie Croner [00:22:27]:
What does your belief system look like at that next level? What does your worthiness look like at that next level? And to increase my capacity for this, this week I will... Where can you step into meaningful discomfort? And I'm not talking passive discomfort. I think a lot of us feel stuck And that is passive discomfort because we know there's a step we need to take. We know there is a next thing that we need to do, and yet we're avoiding doing the thing, right? So this week I want you to step into active discomfort, not passive discomfort, which is a low hum of discomfort when we don't do the thing. I want you to step into active discomfort or massive action and take the risk and try the thing and just dip your toe in. If there is one action that you can take this week that will help you level up, that will hopefully help you find alignment with your self-concepts, your worthiness, and your capacity, do that thing. Okay guys, that is what I have for you guys today. I hope you found this episode helpful.
Annie Croner [00:23:32]:
You may need to listen to it a couple times in order for it to fully land. I am right there with you. I am doing this work right alongside you in my own life, in my own way. As my word of the year was breakthrough, it's Always cute how the universe gets really cute with us whenever we choose a big expansive word like that. So I hope you found this episode helpful. That is all for now. If today's episode gave you language clarity or just a quiet, oh, it's not just me, I am so thrilled you're here. If this podcast has been helpful for you, the easiest way you can support the show is by taking 30 seconds to rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Annie Croner [00:24:09]:
This helps more assistants find this work. And if you're ready for ongoing support, guidance, community, and growth that actually fits into your life, Empowered Seat is where we continue this work together. It's affordable, flexible, and designed for assistants who are done white-knuckling their careers in isolation. You can learn more and join at wholeassistant.com/empoweredseat or click the link in the show notes below. And until next time, go embrace your badassery.
