Annie Croner:
Welcome to The Whole Assistant Podcast, where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Croner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies, and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome back to another episode of the Whole Assistant Podcast. Today's episode is going to be very spicy. And I'm just going to warn you guys, if you have small kids in the car and you're driving around, this may not be the episode to listen to with them in the car. Because whenever I get impassioned about something, swear words tend to fly.
Annie Croner:
I like to keep this podcast clean. And so this is going to be a little bit off brand for me in terms of the podcast for my clients. They know that when I get really passionate about something, especially about injustice, that I tend to swear a little bit. And this episode is going to be no different than that. So I just want to give you a fair warning. You've got kids in the car or you don't care for swearing. Maybe skip this episode. Yeah, I just have seen this trend.
Annie Croner:
I've seen a trend online and it's bothering me. This particular episode is going to be in response to a LinkedIn post I came across. It was penned by a gentleman who recruits executive assistants and chiefs of staff. Gentleman man. The premise of this post was that terrible bosses create great EAs. And there are just so many problems with this premise. Just so many. And I have sat on this podcast episode for a couple weeks.
Annie Croner:
That's why I didn't post this last week because I was really frustrated and still enraged a little bit. And I still am today. But this, this needs to be said. And yeah, so we're just going to dive right in. So the point of this post was to say that terrible Executives create great EAs. And this guy was glorifying war stories. He was glorifying terrible behavior. And the thing is that he seemed to be lumping all bad bosses under one large category.
Annie Croner:
Like all bad bosses create the same level of attention to detail and over functioning and high level executive support. And look, I have had my fair share of terrible bosses in the past, truly terrible bosses. And each of them had a slightly different flavor. Right. First of all, let me just say that not all terrible bosses are created the same. Not all challenging work environments are created the same. Some leaders create chaos because it's how their brains work. But.
Annie Croner:
But they're well meaning and they typically are seeking to improve themselves. They typically do care about the executive assistant. They typically do care about other people. There's chaotic in their own life and in their own brain and in their own world. So that chaos tends to spill over and affect the executive support person, affect those around them, affect the team around them. And then there's the type of executive who is an anxious leader, and they tend to overthink, which tends to result in micromanagement. And then there's the type of leader from Amy Gallo's Getting a Long Book, which I highly recommend that you all read, especially if you're dealing with challenging leader. Read Amy Gallo's book, Getting Along.
Annie Croner:
I'll link to it in the show notes below. But there's the insecure boss, and there's the pessimist, and there's the victim. There are these different archetypes in her book that she breaks down, but I've seen it all, guys. I've been coaching executive assistants for the last five years. I literally clocked thousands of hours at this point in coaching and supporting executive support staff. So I've seen every flavor of terrible executive. And I gotta tell you that the worst executive that you can possibly support are leaders who are constantly moving the bar to success and always having you on the back foot, always having you over. Explain yourself.
Annie Croner:
There's generally some level of narcissism at play in this person. And they will tell you one thing one minute, turn around, tell you the next, another thing the next minute, not because they forgot, but because that you're attempting to control and manipulate, okay? And this type of leader is extremely detrimental. So this guy is saying that war stories are how you get your credential. It's how you wear your badge of honor. And you should stay in a role that's terrible for you. And he actually said in the post, and I quote, the trick is knowing when to go before broken becomes bitter. So he's advocating for you to be broken by your job, which is just such bullshit. I'm so sorry.
Annie Croner:
This is just a terrible way to be. No. What? You should never be broken. You should never fucking be broken in your job. It's just so frustrating. And then he goes on to say, before lessons turn into damage, 18 to 24 months is the sweet spot. Oh, my gosh. Long enough to grow, not long enough to crack.
Annie Croner:
And I say, fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. It's bullshit. You should not stay in a role where you're treated terribly. You should not stay in a role where you're Disrespected. You should not stay in a role where the leader is total chaos and they are inflicting pain on you and they know that they're doing it. If there's any level of narcissism, you get the out. And I mean that.
Annie Croner:
And then he also said, your battle scars are your credentials. What the living hell? What is that? Your battle scars are your credentials. Basically, the premise of these statements says that you should be and stay in an abusive environment. To that, I say, no, no. And look, like I said, I had a stroke at the office. If you're unfamiliar with me, go listen to the third episode of the podcast where I break down what that looked like for me and how I healed from that and how I had no boundaries before. And then as I built my life back up, I intentionally built my life back up to have good boundaries so that it wouldn't happen again. And look there again.
Annie Croner:
I dealt with my fair share of terrible bosses. I've had people say things to me that I wouldn't wish on anybody. But to actually glorify terrible behavior in the name of becoming the most effective executive support person is just asinine and stupid and dangerous. It's dangerous. Oh, this guy's also not taking into account gender roles and how they play into this. Like, I think a lot of women who have been socialized to accept what they've been given not upset the apple cart are more likely to stay in terrible work environments, especially if their confidence has been hit, because they feel this need to prove themselves. They feel this need to prove their worthiness. They feel this need to prove that they're a good executive assistant.
Annie Croner:
They feel this need to there again, not upset the other person. And we tend to internalize things instead of rightfully place them. Like most executive support people, most pink collar people, most women tend to to take everything onto themselves and make it mean something about them that they did something wrong, that it's their fault somehow. Right? And so they're always trying to win back the approval of that person. But that's a strategy. That's the abuse part of all of this. And it's so messed up to say that you should stay in a role for 18 to 24 months so you can get all the nuggets and you can deal with all the stress. Look, do not stay in a role 18 to 24 months.
Annie Croner:
If you know that's a bad fit from the beginning, get out. And a lot of people don't want to do that. And I've coached assistants before who have literally been in roles, they're kick ass assistants. They really are good at what they do. They've been doing it for a long time. They land in a role that's not the best fit or the where the executive there again always has them on the back foot, holds things over them, says everything's their fault, points and blames and criticizes and their confidence begins to take a hit. So does their health like they had they experienced chronic, chronic neck pain or headaches or stuff like that. If you notice that your body is responding to your work environment in that way, you cannot stay in that work environment for 18 to 24 months.
Annie Croner:
Are you flipping kidding me? Get out now. Wouldn't ask. I'm so frustrated by this guy and this post. And look, I get it. There, there is something that happens. You do create some sense of resourcefulness when you're in those environments. You do create some sense of resilience. But.
Annie Croner:
But it's coming from a place of not enoughness. There's an over functioning that happens because of the environment, right? And it's a trauma response. It's literally a trauma response. So you tell me what success looks like for you. Because over functioning for a lot of us, well, it may lead to effectiveness. I'm using air quotes here from an outside like people looking in perspective. It's not an effective way to function in your day to day life. It's not a an effective way to function in your role.
Annie Croner:
Now there's also this thing with over functioning. So now I'm going to take a minute to break down what over functioning looks like versus success because this guy is saying that you can become really successful if you stay in a terrible environment working for a terrible executive. But is it really success? Is it really? Or is it over functioning? So over functioning there again I mentioned just a minute ago, is often a trauma response with many potential causes. A lot of it stems back to our childhood, right? Either we had chaotic childhoods or we are the peacekeeper or you're the person that people turn to for solutions. And we carry that into our adulthood and we carry that into our employment situations. Either that or perhaps you had a former executive who's just awful and now you feel this need to over function. I know that when I was employed and had my stroke that my executive at the time just did not treat me well. She did not handle the situation well.
Annie Croner:
It was just a terrible situation. And that after that for about six years I over functioned because I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to Prove her wrong. And I wanted to prove everything that she said wrong. What was really interesting about that was my guess was that she didn't even. She didn't even remember that she told me those things that she told me. But I held onto them in my body and I also held onto them in my brain. And I had to go through years of therapy disguise saying that people should stay in these terrible work environments for 18 to 24 months.
Annie Croner:
Oh my God. Cannot even. Anyway, so oftentimes over functioning is a trauma response and it's generated from an underlying need to try and improve oneself. It's often driven from feelings of insufficiency or underpinnings of anxiety. Right? Because you've got this anxiety going on underneath you that you could lose your job at any minute, that the floor could be pulled out from underneath you at any minute. Of course that's going to create anxiety. And this often leads to burnout. Because when we over function, we abandon ourselves.
Annie Croner:
Like we abandon ourselves over functioning does not equate to success. It does not. And believe me, I've been on both sides. I've been on the over functioning, really unhealthy, trying to prove myself side of things. And then I have achieve success as an executive support person in a healthy work environment or a healthier work environment. There's no such thing as a perfect work environment, but a healthier work environment where I was supported and literally like was doing the job of two or three people. But I felt like my contribution mattered and the bar wasn't always being moved and I generally had ownership over my time and over how I wanted to run the business that I was a part of. So I don't think that success has to look like over functioning.
Annie Croner:
Okay, hear me when I say this. If you're in this place of over functioning right now and you're like, this is going to make me such a strong executive assistant. Is it though? Is it really? Jesus. Okay, now success looks like not fucking being abused or mistreated. My definition of success does not include any mistreatment or abuse. It does not include working for a terrible human being. Now, chaotic maybe because I'm where chaos goes to die for sure. I can make order in any environment so long as the executive's on board and they genuinely are a decent human being.
Annie Croner:
That is the requirement. Also, success looks like living into your values and aligning your values with your role. I got to tell you, I have seen some terrible behavior even around executives expecting their assistants to cover up affairs and stuff like that. No, that's just a hard pass. I think everyone I've ever worked with has known that if they stepped out of the relationship and I got wind of it, I would give them three days to let their partner know. And then I would be telling their partner, and I don't care if I lose my job. Like I didn't care. So we just want to make sure that we are aligned in terms of our values with our role.
Annie Croner:
And if you're having to constantly set aside your own individual values for the sake of covering up for your executive, for the sake of moving the business forward, for the sake of questionable business practices, is that an environment you really want to be working in? Is that an executive you really want to be working for? Sorry guys, I'm really fired up about this. Success also looks like offering high amounts of value. It does not mean that we are going to be stressed all the time. All it means is we're going to offer high amounts of value. And what I love is that when we look at holistically, how do we actually show up for our work in a way that will serve and support us and serve and support the company? Oftentimes those things are interlinked. And yet we want to pit our productivity against our self care and against our well being. No, good productivity practices are also excellent self care practices. So bringing that back into alignment and asking yourself like, what is an integrity with me? That's how we achieve success.
Annie Croner:
Because success looks different for all of us. It's not like lay it all on the line and sacrifice everything and you'll become, become the most amazing support person. You'll get paid $250,000 a year. You can get paid $250,000 a Year and be a healthy human being. Oh my God, this guy. Okay. Offering high amounts of value being the bridge between your executive and organization. There are so many value ads that we can do from a clean whole human.
Annie Croner:
That's why my brand is called the Whole Assistant. Because I don't want to see this anymore in our industry. I just don't. I'm done with it and you should be too. Okay, so my question to you in wrapping up this episode where I've sworn a lot and I apologize to anybody, I hope it did not offend you. I warned you in advance that it was coming. But what would it look like to stand solid in your own enoughness, knowing that you are enough as you are right now? Not that we don't want to constantly be improving or not that we don't want to harness our past or harness the learnings from any situation. Because I'm a big fan of learning from any situation that we walk through.
Annie Croner:
But we should not be seeking out working for a terrible executive or staying in a role that is defeating, deflating and hits our confidence. Just no, I'm sorry. That's terrible. So what would it look like to stand in your own enoughness, in your job? And what if that enoughness became the foundation of your performance instead of your trauma? What if your enoughness became the foundation of your high performance instead of your trauma? Oh my God. Anyway, that's what I have for you guys today. I hope you found it helpful. Be intentional. Be whole.
Annie Croner:
That's all for now. Hey, before you go, don't forget to grab my free Strategic Planning Session guide. This stealthy playbook will help you and your executive find clarity on their priorities so you can make a greater impact. Go to wholeassistant.com/guide or click the link in the Show Notes to snag your copy. And if you're loving loving the podcast, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with another assistant ready to level up. Thanks for listening, and until next time, keep embracing your badassery.
