Annie Croner:
Welcome to The Whole Assistant Podcast where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Croner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome to the second half of this two part series on mastering your mindset. If you've not had a chance to listen to the first part of the series, please go back and have a listen. I share all about developing self awareness and the three levels of self awareness as the foundation for a more strategic, more helpful mindset. During today's episode, I'm gonna share one tool that I love to use when it comes to figuring out how our thoughts show up in our actions and in our results.
Annie Croner:
And just to kind of lay the foundation for this episode, as I did with the last episode, I just gonna start by sharing what I why Mindset Matters Mindset affects everything from how we set boundaries to enhancing your self concepts. Mindset can help you use your voice more. It can help you be the bridge between your executive and the rest of the organization. It can help you be the anchor for your executive and stay in your own mental and emotional lane. When they are up here riding the waves, we can be that anchoring force for them. This is why mindset is so important, especially in the context of our roles. And this can also help us work clean, meaning that we we can show up with a larger view in mind and we can then see all the things that our executive misses and point those things out to them. So mindset is really pivotal and integral when it comes to strategic partnership, which is why I love to talk about it so much.
Annie Croner:
Also, mindset has completely transformed my life and the work that I'm going to share with you today has completely transformed my life. I have been able to accomplish so much more. I've been able to really doubled down on myself in ways that I hadn't foreseen prior to this work around mindset. So I hope that you will get just as much impact as I have out of these teachings and hopefully you will walk away with a ton of strategies and a good frame of reference or a good framework for managing your mind in a really powerful way. So last week, like I said before, I covered the three levels of self awareness as a foundation for improving your mindset. Today we're going to be talking about three thought work. So what is thought work? Thought work is the practice of bringing awareness to your thoughts and then considering how those thoughts inform your emotions and play a part in creating actions and outcomes. I'm going to read that again because it's a mouthful, but I really want you to take this in.
Annie Croner:
Thoughtwork is a practice of bringing awareness to your thoughts, which we discussed in the last podcast, and then considering how those thoughts inform your emotions and and play a part in creating your actions and outcomes for yourself. So obviously, thoughtwork is going to be powerful tool to utilize when it comes to managing our mind and our mindset. So I'm going to introduce the model and I've introduced this in a previous episode a year or so ago, but the model is the framework that I have been trained in as a coach. So my coach, Brooke Castillo, developed the model. It's based somewhat on cognitive behavioral psychology. I am by no means a therapist. That's not what I'm saying here. But this will be a great framework and tool for managing your mind in a really effective way.
Annie Croner:
So in the model, there's a circumstance which are just the facts of the situation. From those facts, we have a thought about those facts, which is our opinion about the facts. That thought then creates a feeling which is a sensation in our body. From that feeling, we take action. And then the result that we create is a summation of all of those things, of all of this process, and it's the outcome of the process that this model creates for us. Okay, so I'm going to give a clear example to break this down, because I know that was kind of muddy and murky, but I've got a great example for you. So say you were invited to attend an executive leadership team meeting, and your thought about that is, everyone is so much smarter than I am. Why am I in this space? I don't belong here.
Annie Croner:
Something along those lines, that thought has you feeling insecure. And from that place of insecurity, you don't speak up, you don't ask questions. The result that this model creates is that everyone remains smarter than you because you aren't speaking up, you aren't asking the questions. Now, I want to highlight for you that the result is directly linked to the thought. So everyone smarter than I am is going to create the result. Everyone remains smarter than you are. Right. So that's something we want to bring some awareness to.
Annie Croner:
The thought always shows up in the result line in one form or another. And so this can be really powerful. Now I'm going to share how we can shift that thought a little bit to maybe a equally believable but more helpful thought that will get us a result closer to what we want in terms of our impact, in terms of speaking up and using our voice in that meeting. So the circumstance is the same. You have been invited to attend an executive leadership team meeting. You have the thought, I am here because I valued. Notice how that's different than everyone, smarter than I am. And so tapping into your value and tapping into your intrinsic worthiness and also recognizing that you have earned a seat at the table will be paramount to your success.
Annie Croner:
Now, I'm just going to get on my soapbox here for a minute because you are in the room because you are valued. I have coached so many executive assistants who are in this spot where they are the boots on the ground in this room with high level thinkers, and they have these feelings of unworthiness and they're like, why am I here? My time would be much better utilized out on my desk executing on things for my executive. No, your voice is important and you were the boots on the ground thinker in the room, full of high level discussions going on. You need to be there because you're thinking 10 steps ahead. Your brain works differently. Your weirdness is your superpower in this scenario. So I really want you to see and recognize that common sense is not that common. I've said it before on this podcast and I will say it probably several times again.
Annie Croner:
Your unique intrinsic value and the value you bring to your executive and organization is really unique. And that is a gift to your organization. It's a gift to your executive as well. Because people are going to come and bring things to you that they won't bring to your executive, just by the very nature of you being an EA and them being a leader in the organization. So that's just something to bring awareness to. There is great value in your seat and in your perspective, which is why you were in the room. Okay, so we're going to go back to the model now. The circumstance there again is you have been invited to attend an executive leadership team meeting.
Annie Croner:
Your thought is, I am here because I'm valued. This has you feeling empowered. The action you take from feeling empowered is you're going to speak up, you're going to contribute, you're going to ask questions, and the result is that you showcase your value. So from that thought, I'm here because I'm valued. We then showcase our value. Do you see how that little shift in perspective, how that little shift in the thought that we choose to think on purpose, that little shift in what we choose to do and how we choose to see ourselves. Can you see the impact that has? It can be really tremendous, especially when you are in those places where you can impact an outcome, where you can be influential. So I want to bring this to your attention because the last thing I want you to do is to diminish yourself or to think that anybody can do what you can do, because they can't.
Annie Croner:
There again, common sense. Not that common. Okay, so when it comes to developing a more strategic mindset, when it comes to really leveling up how you're choosing to think about yourself, here are a few skills that I would love for you to work on as a starting point. You want to become an observer of your brain. Notice what happens when your brain freaks out. Notice what happens in all the thoughts our brains throw up at us whenever we're put in a situation that stretches us or that makes us feel a bit uncomfortable. Just take the observer role and just notice. I have been working on my money mindset this year, and I'm always really shocked and surprised.
Annie Croner:
I know I brought this up in the last episode as well. I'm always really shocked and surprised when I'll notice myself say something that is coming from a place of lack instead of a place of abundance. I'll be like, that was fascinating. And I'll take note and be like, that is something I want to examine further later. And I'll go home and I will do some journaling about it. I'll write it out and. And it generally comes from a place of wanting to fit in. It generally comes from a place of fear, of being judged.
Annie Croner:
It generally comes from something that is not an abundant place to operate from. So it's just good to bring some awareness. And it's also really good to observe how your brain responds to certain things on autopilot. Because we have all been programmed through our lives to think and act a certain way. And so in order to reprogram that, it's just gonna take a lot of patience and kindness with ourselves. It's also gonna take us just taking more of an observant role of our brain and then deciding on purpose next time how we want to show up for the situation. Another skill I would have us all develop is to separate the circumstance from your thought about the circumstance. Oftentimes, clients come to me and they will share their thought about a circumstance.
Annie Croner:
They'll share their opinion about something as though they are reporting the news, as though this is just the way it is and is provable in a court of law. It is not provable in a court of law, that thought holds a charge for them. And so that is an opinion that they are holding about whatever their circumstance is. And I know this because I will often have a vastly different take on the situation. And we can talk about that during our sessions together. So just as much as you can separate the data from the drama, we also want to separate the thought from our thought about the circumstance or separate the circumstance from our thought about the circumstance, rather. Okay. We also only want to own what is ours to own, which is our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and the results we create from those.
Annie Croner:
We want to own every line in our model that we just went over. And we also don't want to own anything that is not ours, which is so challenging as an executive assistant, because anytime our leader is upset about something, we tend to onboard that to mean something about us, that we did something wrong. Instead of allowing our leader to have their own experience, allowing them to experience life, how they're going to experience it, and to stay in our own emotional lane there again, this is also really helpful when it comes to being that anchoring, calming force in the middle of a storm. And for those of you in startup environments, for those of you in busy nonprofit environments, I see you, I'm talking directly to you. In this moment, it can be chaotic. And so we really need to come back to ourselves and say, separate our own worthiness, separate our own model from that of our executives and that of our leaders. Okay, Next skill is to allow yourself the space to experience a broad range of human emotion. Now, this one is tough for all of us, and we tend to fall into one of two ditches.
Annie Croner:
The first ditch being, I just don't want to feel this anymore. I want to move on. This feeling is very uncomfortable. I'm just going to try and move on and move out of this feeling as well, quickly as possible. That is one ditch we can fall into. The other ditch is wallowing and really overindulging in the emotion. Now, if you're anything like me, you fall into the first camp where you would just rather not feel how you're feeling anymore. So you're going to try and find a new thought that will help you feel better.
Annie Croner:
That is doing yourself a disservice, and it's doing yourself a disservice because we are all humans and experiencing the broad range of human emotion and is what makes this life so lovely and full. Even if that emotion is shame, or even if that emotion is embarrassment, or even if that emotion is typically air Quote, negative in nature. We actually need to allow ourselves the space and time to get curious where we're feeling it in our body, to pull up that feeling, to have a conversation with it, to ask it why it's there, to ask it what it was brought there to teach us. Right? So staying in touch with your emotions is something that we are not taught in school. It's. It can be super challenging, especially if you're like me and you just want to move past it already. But actually allowing yourself to experience those feelings and then recognizing that they actually didn't kill you is a great strategy for building resilience and resourcefulness within yourself. Last but not least, the last and final skill that I would have us all develop is to double down on yourself and not your thoughts.
Annie Croner:
There again, we often onboard our thoughts as truth. But I would have us all move past that and I would have us look at is this thought going to be helpful for me? If not, let it go. Doubling down on yourself and trusting in your ability to be resourceful and resilient, trusting in your ability to bounce back is a great strategy for doubling down on yourself, not your thoughts, not always believing what our brain throws up, looking at it more objectively. There again, we want to parse out the data from the drama so that we can show up on purpose for the data and we can know how better to address those data points. So some tips for success when it comes to thoughtwork is that thoughtwork should always be based on what you truly want. Sometimes I do see executive assistants trying to strong arm themselves into staying in a role that is not a good fit for them and that is using thought work against yourself. Right? We're staying in a role because there's some level of fear. So ask yourself, am I making this decision, do I want this thing because it feels abundant to me, or do I want this thing to make somebody else happy or to stay in a role that I don't actually want, but that I feel is giving me good benefits.
Annie Croner:
I'm comfortable here. And sometimes it can be like a frog in hot water, right? I'm not sure if you've heard this analogy before, but when you put a frog in hot water, it automatically bounces out. It automatically jumps out. When you put a frog in tempid water and slowly turn up the heat, that frog will die because it's staying in there. And so that is something to bring some awareness to. Is this something you truly want? And do some soul searching. I know it can be hard for us, especially those of us who identify and we're socialized as women to actually articulate what it is we want. Because we have for so long put ourselves on the back burner, we for so long put everyone else's desires and needs and wants and all the things ahead of our own.
Annie Croner:
But getting really clear on what you want first is the best strategy for success when it comes to thoughtwork and managing your mind. We also want to start with accessible thoughts that are believable to us. So say I'm working on my money mindset. Say I want to make a $10 million, and I'm like, I'm going to make $10 million. If that number feels out of reach for me, I'm not going to be connected with it. So we definitely want to start with accessible thoughts that are equally believable to us as a. As our current default thought that we can redirect our brain to that will help us achieve a better result down the line. And this is why I'm not a huge fan of mantras or borrowing someone else's mantras, because we can repeat and repeat the mantra all we want to ourselves, but if the thought is not actually believable to us, that mantra isn't going to do any good in terms of managing our mindset in terms of leveling up anything, really.
Annie Croner:
So that is my second tip. The third tip is that the point of thought work there, again, is not to feel 100% awesome all the time. It's not. And so actually allowing yourself the space and time to process any emotion you need to process before launching into thoughtwork will not only help you, first of all, rightfully place the emotions. Sometimes our emotions are in the driver's seat and we want to put them in the backseat. And it's not that we don't want to experience that emotion, or it's not that we aren't going to experience that emotion, but we want to rightfully place our emotions. We want to process through them so that they are in the backseat and not the driver's seat. There are a few pitfalls when it comes to thoughtwork as well.
Annie Croner:
First of all, using thoughtwork against yourself. There again, I'm going to caution against that. We don't want to use thoughtwork against you ourselves. We want to make sure that anything we're using thought work for is in full alignment with who we are as a human, with our values and with our desires. And then also, thought work tends to fail to recognize the nervous system or the body because our brain is automatically thinking a Thought that causes a nervous system response or something like that. Thought work tends to fail to recognize how the body responds and shows up for the party. And so there's this great book called the Body Keeps a Score. I'd have you look into it.
Annie Croner:
It's really powerful book. And it goes into nervous system and body and all that sort of stuff. The third kind of pitfall when it comes to thought work is the lack of focus on systemic issues. And so I'm a firm believer that any systemic issue is real. Racism is. Racism is real, Sexism is real. Transphobia is real, Homophobia is real, Fat phobia is real, Ageism is real. All the isms and phobias and all the things, they're all real.
Annie Croner:
What thoughtwork is really good at helping us with is choosing intentionally how we decide to show up for those things and recognizing when it is safe for us and when it is not safe for us. And because thought work is so about the individual, it's just not focused on some larger systemic issues in our society. And I just wanted to name that because the last thing I would want you to do is to feel gaslit. If you land in a situation where you don't feel safe and you try and thought work your way out of it, that's probably not going to be beneficial. That is your body telling you something. You need to pay attention, you need to get out, you need to do what's best for you in that moment. And then also, thoughtwork isn't counseling or therapy. We need outside perspectives in order to really understand ourselves better.
Annie Croner:
Because it's really hard when you're living in your reality to take that observer role entirely. Sure, we can take the observer role of our brain and that can be helpful for us, but we often need that outside perspective. So I'm a big fan of getting a coach. I'm also a big fan of therapy, of counseling, of whatever you have to do for yourself. I have a therapist, I also have a coach. Whatever you have to do to help you along and help you on your growth journey, I'm a big fan of. So where do we start? When it comes to managing our mind, where do we start? With this thoughtwork stuff, I would have you start with picking one pain point, thought pattern, belief or goal that you want to work on. One pain point, thought pattern, belief or goal that you want to work on.
Annie Croner:
And then we're going to get curious about that thing, we're going to start poking holes. And I like to ask the question, what if it didn't have to be like this. What if this thought pattern could be changed? What if I could change this belief? Right? Just get curious and then from there we want to practice redirecting our brain to an equally believable, more helpful thought that will hopefully land us in a better place and get us a better result that we want. And you guys, I've used this method over and over again to manage everything from my birthing process with my boys giving birth without any pain medication to starting my own business while I was working full time to now running my company full time to now working on my money mindset. I've used utilize this method over and over again. It is very powerful and so I hope you have good luck with it. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can email me at [email protected] and I hope you found this episode helpful.
Annie Croner:
Please feel free to return to it as often as you need in order to level up your mindset. That is all for now. Hey, before you go, don't forget to grab my free Strategic Planning Session guide. This stealthy playbook will help you and your executive find clarity on their priorities so you can make a greater impact. Go to wholeassistant.com/guide or click the link in the Show Notes to snag your copy. And if you're loving the podcast, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with another assistant ready to level up. Thanks for listening and until next time, keep embracing your badassery.
