Improve Your Work Relationships

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Check out the video transcript:

Do you ever find you get frustrated when your executives or colleagues don't respond to a situation the way you think they should? Well, stay tuned for some tough love that has the potential to revolutionize your working relationships. Assistants, if you would like more transformational strategies geared towards you, please subscribe to my channel and hit the bell to be notified when my weekly episodes go live. I'm Annie Croner of wholeassistant.com. And on today's episode, I'll be breaking down how to respond when people don't behave the way we think they should. Okay. So, I'm a member of several online communities for administrative professionals and assistants, and I see this come up frequently. An example of what I'm talking about here is, an assistant will get frustrated online and she'll post, how do I make my executive show up for his meetings? Even though I'm sending him reminders, even though I am following up with him 10 minutes before, he still doesn't show up for his meetings. So, that's one example.

Another example is this gal who posted about her boss's wife, getting upset with her because she called in sick one day. And she got really upset because she felt that the boss's wife shouldn't have pushed back on her boundaries and that sort of thing. So, then everybody jumps on the bandwagon. Everybody's being really supportive to the assistant, but they're actually feeding the beast a little bit, and none of this is helpful. None of this is helpful. So, guys, here's what I suggest we all do when we find ourselves in a situation where people aren't responding the way that we think they should. First of all, we tend to go down one of two paths. We either try to control them, as in the case with the first example I gave you about the EA trying to get her executive to show up for meetings that he's supposed to be at.

And I understand that, you're in charge of their calendar and you feel this responsibility, but ultimately, you cannot control someone else. You just can't. So, I think that's the first thing that we need to realize is that we cannot control other people, and trying to do so will only make us crazy. And it doesn't honor them either and their choices on what they're going to do with their time. And then, with the second example of someone pushing against a boundary, this happens frequently too. It doesn't serve us to think that they should behave any differently than they are already behaving. So, I would just have us question what is going on inside of us. If we are getting defensive, that's a flag to look inward and to ask ourselves why. And to get really clear for ourselves on why it is that we're feeling what we're feeling, and also not try to change the other person.

When we insert ourselves into other people's brains, it never ever, ever ends well. So, I know this video is short and sweet and just a little bit of tough love to start your Thursday, but I just wanted to make sure that we are staying out of people's brains in a way that is not helpful. Does not serve us to stay out, to insert ourselves in other people's brains to try and control them, or to get really, really upset when they push against our boundaries. Now, with regards to the boundary thing, I have a good piece of advice for all of us. It is up to us to set the boundaries and to hold them for ourselves 100%. And actually, the gal that I'm referring to, the example that I'm referring to, she did a stellar job of this. She didn't go into the office and everybody else around on the thread was getting really upset on her behalf that the boss would even push back.

But here's the deal guys, it is our job to set the boundary and it is everyone else's job around us to test that boundary, to make sure that boundary is actually there. So, the pushback on the boundary is just somebody trying to make sure that the boundary is actually the boundary. So, just keep that in mind. And if you look at it that way, it becomes a lot less threatening. If you're like, "Oh, it's this person's job to test my boundary." Of course, they're going to test my boundary to make sure that it's actually there and this holds true with any boundary in our lives. So, we set up a parameter. We say, "I'm not going to come in today," or "I'm not going to do this task for you." You may get some pushback and that's to be expected. That's 100% okay. It's their job to push back on those boundaries.

It's their job to make sure that the boundary is actually there and that you can stand firm in that boundary because you've already said it and just know that everybody else is entitled to their reaction around us. Okay, okay. So, the takeaways from this episode. Stay out of other people's heads, guys. We need to stay out of other people's heads and we need to know and realize that inserting ourselves into other people's heads doesn't serve you, and it will only serve to drive you bonkers. So, if you want to go crazy, go ahead, insert yourselves into other people's heads and try to manipulate their thoughts telepathically. I'm telling you, that stuff does not work.

And then the third takeaway is we need to realize that it is literally other people's jobs to test our boundaries. So, if this episode resonated with you and you are curious about what it would look like to actually set those boundaries and to actually hold them without inserting yourself into somebody else's head and you want help and coaching around this, please feel free to email me at [email protected] to schedule your complimentary 20-minute discovery call. I'd be happy to help you walk through the process of setting those boundaries and actually understanding what those boundaries look like for you, based on your values.

To continue this discussion and receive support from your fellow assistants and administrative professionals, please head on over to facebook.com/groups/wholeassistant to join our assistants only community. If you liked this episode, please let me know by hitting the like button below. Also, be sure to subscribe and share this episode with your fellow assistants and administrative professionals. And last but not least, if this episode has helped you in any way, I want to know about it. So, please leave a comment below sharing how.

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