Annie Croner:
Welcome to the Whole Assistant Podcast, where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Croner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies, and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome back to the Whole Assistant Podcast. Today I'm talking about reclaiming your power at work. And if you have worked with me in any capacity in one of my programs or you have worked with me one on one as your coach, you will know that I am very passionate about helping you reclaim your power, especially at work. So when I'm talking about power, I'm not talking about control.
Annie Croner:
I'm really talking about choice. And sometimes we choose to outsource our sense of worth while or agency, which takes that choice away. So today I'm gonna be talking about how we can reclaim that and we can stand in our own enoughness and stand in our own power. And this will be a transformational podcast episode if you allow it to be. I have experienced so much transformation with the concepts I'm about to share with you here, as have my clients, so I'm really excited to share with you. So you may be wondering what giving away your power looks like in an office environment. It first looks like seeking constant validation. We're needing our executives, our colleagues, to affirm our value.
Annie Croner:
And we're really looking for an outside source to be able to do that. And I'm a big fan of returning to your own enoughness, of giving yourself a pat on the back of being your own source of validation. And here is why. Because when you are your own source of validation, when we no longer need that external voice, now when we get it, it's great. When we get that external validation, it feels good. But it is a cherry on top and not the whole meal, which I love, especially as an executive assistant. I remember the role just being incredibly thankless, and these roles are incredibly thankless. We aren't getting the Attic girls, we aren't getting the accolades, and we're often behind the scenes, and our hard work often goes unacknowledged.
Annie Croner:
I was talking with a colleague recently about the fact that most executives aren't exactly sure what their EA spend their time doing all day. All they know is that their life runs better with them. And sometimes that can feel really isolating. And so what ends up happening is we seek external validation for our work and look there again, whenever we get the external validation, it is really nice. But I'm a big fan of articulating your value proposition and doing it from a clean place. And by clean, I mean not expecting anybody to give you kudos or accolades or validation. But we're doing it from a place of showcasing our value and making sure that our value proposition is front and center. Because how is our executive going to know what we're working on? How are they going to know all that we manage for them unless we actually have those conversations, unless we actually let them know? So that's a big piece of this too, is we can give ourselves a pat on the back for all we've accomplished.
Annie Croner:
We can give ourselves a pat on the back and let the external validation piece come as a surprise and be the cherry on top there again. Another way that this shows up is by being overly accommodating or saying yes when you know you should probably say no. Especially when an executive or, or when a colleague comes to you and it's not a high priority for your executive or leader and we feel obligated to say yes, we feel obligated to help out. But here's the reality. You can be totally solutions oriented for people without having to be that boots on the ground solution for them. You don't have to be the enactor of the thing. You can be a resource for the person. And I'm a big fan of doing this because in that way you're still being a team player.
Annie Croner:
And I think a lot of us have a lot of fear around this too. If I say no, what is my colleague going to think of me? If I say no, that makes me difficult to work with. No, it makes you someone who is focused on the high priority tasks and projects that will actually move the needle forward for you, for your organization and for your executive. It also helps you to not burn out. I'm a big fan of burnout avoidance. If you've been following me for any amount of time, you'll know I have a dramatic story of burnout. If you want to hear that dramatic story of burnout, you can go to episode three, the third episode I ever created for this podcast and I will share my story. But being overly accommodating is often a sign that we are trying to people please our way to success and it's just not a winning formula.
Annie Croner:
Right? And so we reclaim our power by being sure of ourselves and knowing when we can say yes, when we can say no and based staying focused on those high priority, high impact, high value add tasks and projects. Okay, Another way That this shows up is by over functioning. And some of these are not only ways that we can reclaim our power. Some of these are trauma responses. Like being overly accommodating and having no boundaries can be a trauma response. Being over functioning can also be a trauma response. And so fixing what isn't yours to fix and staying late and working all the hours and doing all the things, it's a surefire way to be burnt out. Now look, I'm a big fan of creating values based boundaries.
Annie Croner:
So if you enjoy working and you don't mind working late and you don't mind being on call 24 7, that's one thing, live into those values. There was a time in my life where I did not mind working 247 because I had literally loved what I did and I just didn't mind being on call. And then I had my babies, I had my boys, and there was just no way that I could like be on call 247 and be a fully present mom for two little humans. And especially now that I'm a single mom, that is just a losing proposition for me. And so recognizing where you may be over functioning or be over accommodating and actually kind of picking at those reasons why, maybe talking with your therapist or counselor about those things can go a long way in helping you understand yourself better. And then it can help you course correct as well. Another way that this shows up, giving away our power in the in an office environment shows up is by emotionally outsourcing our emotions. So especially if you're an empath like me, if, especially if you are empathetic or you wane that way, this can be a real challenge for us because we can tend to take on others emotions without even recognizing or realizing that that's what we're doing.
Annie Croner:
So being aware of those things and also making sure that you aren't letting someone's tone, mood or opinion determine how you feel. And staying in your own emotional lane is a great way to reclaim your power and it's a great way to stay in your own emot as well. I think that oftentimes we want to protect our executives from things. And especially if you are a newer executive assistant or especially if you genuinely want to see your executive succeed. We tend to try and shield our executive from any negativity, any negative emotion. But that's not allowing them to learn and it's also not allowing them to experience a broad range of human emotion. We all are humans walking this earth and we're going to feel amazing half the time and we're going to feel like crap half the time. We often take on others emotions.
Annie Croner:
And I know for myself, I've shared this story before on the podcast, I know I have. But my executive would be having a day and I'd wake up and I'd sit down at my desk and there'd be six back to back emails, each with one sentence, each, each sent within two minutes of each other. And I'm like, oh, we're having a day, we're having a moment. And later on that day I'd be clacking away at my computer and I'd just be feeling anxious and I was like, what is this? And I'd recognize and realize that the anxiety wasn't even mine. It was my executive's anxiety that I had somehow onboarded. And in that moment I was able gently to give it back. Because that is how you remain effective in your role is by being that grounding force, being that anchoring force for your executive. And it's really going to be hard to be that anchoring force for your executive if you were up here riding the waves with them.
Annie Croner:
So we just need to make sure that we are not emotionally outsourcing so that we can stay in our lane, stay in our power and make sure that we are being fully present and fully effective in our roles. And then the last but not least, another way that we can inadvertently relinquish our power in the office is by waiting for permission. Now this is not true for everyone. Some people have really highly controlling, almost to the point of being micromanaging. But I do think that waiting for permission to do something that you know needs to be done just because you want to just double check with your executive, especially if you were established in a role, especially if you have built up that trust with your executive, it's a way of giving up your agency in the role. So I'm a big fan of speaking up, asking questions, sharing ideas. And I think also sometimes we don't speak up using your voice and not using your voice. And those sorts of things are also ways in which we relinquish, relinquish our power because we're taking away the choice of others and we are making a choice that doesn't serve us as we're doing that.
Annie Croner:
Okay, so why we do this? Why do we relinquish our power? Why do we give away our power in a work environment? A lot of this is social conditioning, especially, especially for women. And a lot of us equate being helpful with being worthy Right. So that's where we end up getting in trouble because we're, we're constantly trying to be helpful. And so if we don't hear that external validation, then we think that we're not worthy when that is not at all the case. And I think a lot of us also have been conditioned or socialized not to upset the apple carts, not to speak up for ourselves, because that is feel selfish and wrong or it just feels really awkward because we aren't used to it. I think also workplace dynamics can also play a role in this as well. If you're working for an executive who's genuinely not a terrible, who's genuinely not a good person, this can also rear its ugly head in unique ways. And then also our office environments, depending on the environment you're in, you may be working in a less collaborative, more hierarchical environment.
Annie Croner:
And there are certain industries that are. This is definitely true of that I've seen as a coach over the last five years and literally coaching thousands of hours. If executive is support professionals clocking those hours. I've just noticed that certain industries are very hierarchical. And especially if, even if you're. Even if the industry isn't hierarchical, your executive can be that way. And so that can also be really challenging thing to deal with. Also if there's some narcissism going on or dynamics like that, that can also play a role in.
Annie Croner:
And that can also knock us out of confidence. And I've just seen this happen time and again where the executive assistant is incredibly experienced. They know what they're doing, they work with an executive who's a terrible human being and it hits their confidence. And that is normal because you're like, is that me? Is it them? I thought I was this great executive assistant, but clearly I must not be because if I was, my executive wouldn't be moving the bar so much or wouldn't be reaming me out all the time. Those are also situations where it's really going to be hard to reclaim your power until you get into a better environment. So I'm just going to name that because I don't want this to sound like, or feel like I'm trying to gaslight you, because that's not the situation. I recognize that some of us are truly in terrible work environments. And then I think also lack of clarity around what is yours to own and what isn't is also something that can kind of knock us off of our.
Annie Croner:
Off of our game or make us question things. And especially if you were starting out and especially if you're in a new role. This can really take a while to build up. So sometimes we aren't fully in our power because we've not established trust yet. And that is also a thing that I just want to acknowledge as well. Sometimes it does take a while to establish trust. Okay, so the good news is that once you see these trends in yourself, once you notice these things in yourself, we can shift and we can reclaim our power in a way that feels really good to us. So, first of all, how we do this is by getting really clear on what is yours to own and what isn't.
Annie Croner:
I know I alluded to this in the last section where I talked about remaining in your own emotional lane and being that anchoring force, getting clear on what is yours to own, which are your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and the results you create from those things. That is your lane, especially emotionally. That is your emotional lane. And we definitely want to stay in your emotional lane. What is your executives to own are their thoughts, their feelings, their actions, how they're choosing to show up, and that is theirs to own. And I think also making sure that we aren't moving to the dark side of trying to control someone else. This is going to be very powerful for you because we cannot control another human being. And it can feel so powerless to admit this, but it's actually really freeing because if it's not yours to control, if it's not yours to own, then we can release it and we can return to ourselves and stay in our own power.
Annie Croner:
I think also creating internal safety is going to be very, very helpful when it comes to reclaiming your power at work. I produced a podcast episode about this. It's two or three podcast episodes ago. And here's the deal, guys. When you trust yourself to handle pushback and you trust yourself to speak up, and you know that you're going to have your own back. You stop needing other people to like you. And so I love this small mantra of I can handle this, I've got this. I can create safety for myself.
Annie Croner:
And I also know that if this person yells at me, I don't have to stay in this environment. I can do an about face and leave. Like returning to yourself, trusting yourself and creating that internal sense of safety will be very helpful in helping you reclaim your power at work. And then also the next thing that I always harp on, and you'll know this, because I talk about boundaries all the time, is that we need to set values based boundaries. Boundaries guided and grounded in our values. And this is Another way in which we reclaim our power at work. Because boundaries aren't walls, they are clarity. They are clarity for you and what is acceptable for you.
Annie Croner:
They are also clarity in what is acceptable for those around you. And we train people on our boundaries with every single interaction. And there again, I'm about being solutions oriented for people and not necessarily being the boots on the ground solution for them. Somebody comes and asks you to work on their expense report and they are not one of your people, you can point them towards all the expense report resources and empower them to handle that task on their own. Let's let them know if they have any questions that you are happy to be a resource for them. This is what I'm talking about around boundaries. And I think a lot of us have this really conflated view of marching into someone's office and laying down the law. And it's really confrontational in our heads.
Annie Croner:
It does not have to be this way. We can train people on how we are to be treated with every single interaction. And I think also shifting your validation source from external to internal. And I know this has been a theme throughout this entire episode, but this is something that I really want to drive home with you guys because I see this a lot. I see seeking external validation for something instead of standing in your own enoughness and being that internal validation for yourself. And then also kind of evaluating situations by what do I think of the way that I handle this situation? What will I. How will I handle the situation differently next time? What can I take in terms of learning from this past situation that I just went through? And how can I apply those learnings to the next round that inevitably is going to come up? Because that's how these things work, right? People have their own ideas of what you should be doing and returning to yourself in a way that is giving yourself validation, that is reassuring yourself. And there again, creating that internal safety will be paramount to your success in reclaiming your power at work.
Annie Croner:
And then I think also just choosing our responses intentionally. There is power in the pause between stimulus and response. There is a moment of power in that. And if you are anything like me, what you're inclined to do is just shoot off a response automatically. But I have really learned to sink into the discomfort of allowing myself to sit with something for a day or two or even a couple weeks. I know I created a podcast episode a few back that was called how to Deal with Terrible Behavior. And it was in response to a LinkedIn post. And I swore a lot that episode.
Annie Croner:
If You've not heard it. Go back and have a listen. But I was really worked up about the whole premise of what this guy said in his LinkedIn post, and I had to sit on that for a couple weeks before I decided to respond, before I created a podcast episode in response. Because the last thing I wanted was to spout something off and not have it be well thought out, well articulated, that sort of thing. So really consider your response intentionally. And also when it comes to reclaiming your power, I'm a big fan of addressing the data and not the drama because you're going to have feelings for sure about a lot of things that happen at the office, for sure. But it really is parsing out the data points that can be addressed and can be professionally addressed and letting the drama fall by the wayside, letting our judgments fall by the wayside, letting. Letting the emotional response that we have fall by the wayside so that we can return to that data and address those data points.
Annie Croner:
Okay, so what does this look like in practice? I've had so many EAs reclaim their power by clarifying their roles, by really returning to themselves and asking themselves the question of like, hey, how am I giving away my power in this situation? And I love that question. And it's a question I ask myself a lot, especially when I'm really worked up about something. And this year has been challenging for me on so many fronts. My word for this year was expansion, and that was the word for the year before. I knew what was gonna go down. So I got divorced this year. I have had to sell my house, I'm in a beautiful apartment with my boys, and there's just have been a lot of shifting pieces and adjustments. And through that entire journey, one question that I would consistently ask myself, especially if I was feeling really worked up or feeling like I wanted someone to respond to something a certain way and they weren't responding that way, I would ask myself, how am I giving away my power in this situation? And that question tended to prove really, really helpful in helping me navigate these things.
Annie Croner:
And it also brought myself. It also brought me back to meaningful dialogue with myself and ensured that I showed up intentionally and with integrity, with integrity within myself. So especially if you were dealing with a tricky executive or a tricky colleague and you want to reclaim your power and you want to not allow people or situations to live rent free in your brain, actually getting clear on how you are giving away your power and doing some journaling and writing it out and then deciding on purpose how you want to show up for your role and for the situation will go a long way in helping you reclaim your power at work. Okay, I hope you found this episode helpful. I could probably talk about reclaiming your power all day long. I think that's because I felt so powerless at a certain point in my career. And now after having done the work on myself, after having built my life back up, I tend to stand in my power more often than not. And that comes with practice.
Annie Croner:
And it comes with building the muscle of claiming your power and relying on your own enoughness. Those are skills that we can all develop. Those are skills that are to have us all fine tune. And those are muscles that I would have us all really work. Because otherwise we are going to be living at the effect of our circumstances a lot more than we should be when we can actually when we actually have a lot more power than we think. Okay guys, that is what I have for you guys today. Be intentional. Be whole.
Annie Croner:
That is all for now. Hey, before you go, don't forget to grab my free Strategic Planning Session guide. This stealthy playbook will help you and your executive find clarity on their priorities so you can make a greater impact. Go to wholeassistant.comguide or click the link in the show notes to snag your copy. And if you're loving the podcast, please subscribe, leave a review and share with another assistant ready to level up. Thanks for listening and until next time, keep embracing your badassery.
