Annie Croner:
Hey there. Are you ready to play a bigger game? If so, then I'd like to invite you to join me for my upcoming free masterclass, Unlock Your Executive Assistant Badassery. Three Steps to Developing youg Strategic Partnership. During this hour long free masterclass, you're going to discover a solid framework for developing trust with your executive. One overlooked skill that has a power to break trust and how to stop playing Whack a mole and start showing up more straight strategically. Click the link in the show notes to pick your time. You can choose between April 16, which is a Wednesday, and April 18, so I have a couple different times for your convenience. So click the links in the show notes to learn more and register.
Annie Croner:
Welcome to the Whole Assistant Podcast where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Croner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome back to the Whole Assistant Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing about what I'm be sharing about today, but before I do, I just have to say I'm having a lovely week so far. My mom is in town because it's spring break here in denver and my 5 year old doesn't have class this week so she's hanging out with him and hanging out with me. I've decided to clear a good portion of my schedule.
Annie Croner:
I'm going to be meeting with clients. I'm obviously recording this podcast episode, but we're just going to be spending some time together and I'm really looking forward to that as well. So I hope that you are having a great week as well. I hope that you also get some rest time or some great connection time with those that you love as well. Yeah. So today we are talking about how to think about others opinions of you. Seen this so much as a coach and even in my own personal life as an executive assistant with a former executives colleagues, whatnot and sometimes people have some opinions about you that you may feel are way off base. And I think it's important to remember that just because other people have an opinion about you that doesn't make it objectively factual.
Annie Croner:
Other opinions of you are colored by so much more than just you. They're colored by their lived lived experience. They're covered by their biases colored by their biases. Rather, they're colored by their trauma or past experiences that may not have been favorable and Oftentimes other people's opinions say more about them than they do about us. So then the question becomes, what do you do with those opinions? Right? And I had a stroke back in 2012. At the time I had the stroke, I was working in an office environment. I had the stroke at, at the office, and my executive obviously didn't handle it well. When somebody in your office space goes through something traumatic like that, it can be very jarring to the entire office space.
Annie Croner:
And my executive had a hard time processing what I was going through. And then post stroke, I was out for six weeks, guys, because I really, it was a massive incident. I had to fully recover. I had to relearn how to walk again. I had to relearn how to talk again. It was like a crazy experience. And this is why I'm also a huge fan of self care and of making sure that you're prioritizing yourself. Because whenever we live to work, it can be hugely challenging when these things happen.
Annie Croner:
And I do believe it was God's way of getting my attention. I'm not saying God caused a stroke by any stretch of the imagination, but I, I will say that it was a great wake up call for me and is part of the reason I'm a coach today is because I went through that experience. And my executive, after coming back to the office, told me I wasn't worth what the company was paying me. She withheld my bonus. And it was a really hard time for me because her opinions of me really, really took a toll. I began to question everything. I began to question whether or not I was a good assistant. And for a while, guys, looking back, for a while, I probably wasn't because my brain was still rewiring.
Annie Croner:
The doctors told me it would take up to a year to gain all of my function back, to gain all of my memory back and all cognitive ability back. And when you go through something like that, it can shake you. And my executive during that time had no problem telling me all the ways in which I wasn't cutting it. And I do feel like I was treated unfairly even so, because who tells a stroke survivor that they aren't worth what the company's paying them? However, she is entitled to her opinion and eventually I just had to let her be wrong about me. And especially as I began to really kick butt in my job, started supporting high net worth people and just really enjoyed the role again, loved what I was doing. I almost had to just let that opinion of me go, right? And so that's something I want you to be aware of. You get to decide what you make someone else's opinion of you mean. And even if you made a mistake, even if you weren't on top of your game, you always get to decide what you carry with you and what you leave behind.
Annie Croner:
Okay? And so that is something really important for us all to remember. Even if you did make the initial mistake, even if you did screw up, it doesn't mean that you are a screw up as an identity. It means that you made a mistake. You are a human who makes mistakes and you made a mistake. Okay? So that's the other piece. Even if there is some truth to what the other person is telling you, you always get to rightfully place their opinion of you. And oftentimes I see kind of two pitfalls when it comes to processing others opinions about us. And I've seen both of these as a coach.
Annie Croner:
So the first obviously pitfall is to take something that someone says about us and onboard it truth about us and get really bothered about that. And then to really get super frustrated. And we can tend to ruminate on it a lot. We end up letting other people live rent free in our brains a lot. And so that is the first kind of pitfall is like this obsession, obsessing over what other people think about us and maybe even obsessing over unfairness or how you've been treated. And honestly, it's okay. It's okay if you're doing that and there may be a new framing for your situation that may be more helpful. Another sort of pitfall that we fall into is throwing it all out because you're too scared or ashamed to consider that there may be some truth.
Annie Croner:
So we're not actually taking ownership of that piece, that small piece that may be ours to own, that small sliver of truth in their opinion about us that may be leading to or guiding you towards further growth. So those are the two opinions. Either we onboard everything as truth or we throw it all out. Nothing about this can be true because of the shame we're feeling or because of being afraid of how we will feel in the end. And I have to tell you guys, I met with a client, a new client. She's going to be joining this next round of the Level Up Assistant. And I was having a phone call with her and I'm trying to let her know what I felt would be best in terms of us working together. And she had mentioned that she had this one executive who never gave her anything, who did not trust her with things.
Annie Croner:
And then she had this other executive who she also supported. So she supports two executives and she just really loved to work with this other executive. This other executive trusted her to do things for him. Was really encouraging, affirming. And I got an email after we met saying that she'd met with the other executive who was kind of sticky and didn't trust her. And the other executive basically said that she didn't want to work with her anymore because she couldn't trust her to be detail oriented. And then she went back to the other executive who thought she was doing a good job and just asked him if this other person if there was any truth to that, if he had noticed anything that way. And he's like, oh, my goodness, no.
Annie Croner:
You're one of the best. You're one of the best executive assistants and you're always detail oriented. I don't know what this other person is talking about. So this is a good example of other people having a. Have people having an opinion about you that may not be based in reality or maybe based in their perception. Okay. Because it's a. It's always an interesting blend of both.
Annie Croner:
So I wrote her back. I'm like, okay, look, here's a plan. We're going to come up with a plan of action for you to make sure that you're aligned with this executive. We're going to make sure that everything that you're doing that you get like deadlines and that you're tracking and that you're keeping her updated so that, you know, we know with this person that you are aligned and taking all those actions. And we're also going to take her reaction to you with a grain of salt, knowing that maybe this person may not be pleasable. Right. So it is fascinating to watch these things, especially as a coach and to see how we tend to process others opinions of us and what we make those opinions mean. I would encourage us all to rightfully place others opinions about us.
Annie Croner:
You get to decide what you make their opinions about. You mean you can look at it as a growth opportunity and ask what elements of truth there are, if there are any elements of truth in what they are saying. And oftentimes something will sting because there's an element of truth. Right. For example, if someone came up and said they saw me smoking on the street, I'd be like, well, there's no way, because I'm not a smoker. And so I would just kind of dismiss it as like, oh, no, that's. That's just a no. Because I know I've Never smoked in my life.
Annie Croner:
Whenever there's something that stings, I would encourage us to get curious. I would encourage you to get curious about it because oftentimes there is a small sliver, a tiny element of truth in there that may need to be looked at as a potential area for growth. And sometimes some people's opinion about us, I'm okay with like, I can tend to be very direct and abrupt. And so whenever anybody comes to me and they're telling me I'm very direct, I'm like, yes, I am very direct. And that can be off putting to some people. And I understand that. But I'm also not going to apologize for it because it's who I am right now. If I've hurt somebody, if I said something very rude or offensive, of course I want to know about that so I can make it right.
Annie Croner:
But ultimately my communication style of being very direct and upfront is just who I am at my core. And if there's a problem with that, kind of like a sorry, not sorry, right? You get to decide what you make others opinions mean about you and you get to decide if you want to shave off some of those rough edges or if you don't mind being a little spicy. Now, I am now going to give you a simple framework for processing feedback or other people's opinions. I know oftentimes whenever we get negative feedback at work for something, it can be a real challenge, or when we're processing others opinions about us, it can be a real challenge. And my first simple step is to just pause, don't react immediately. Give yourself the space and time to process through all the emotions you're feeling. Give yourself the space and time to decide how you want to show up for the situation. Give yourself the space and time to allow yourself to actually process everything.
Annie Croner:
Now, we don't want to indulge. That's another thing. We don't want to indulge and hide from the situation. But we do want to give ourselves the space to be able to process it effectively and then also decide on purpose how we want to show up for that situation. Second, we want to assess the source. Is the person giving you this opinion or feedback credible? Are they safe? Do you feel like you can have a conversation with them about maybe ways that you can improve? Do they feel safe enough to do that with? Do they understand the whole picture? Do they have a clear picture of all that you manage, of all that you are doing? And if they don't? This is another kind of thing that I've noticed among executive assistants and administrative professionals is that we are often rushed or we don't take the time to articulate our value proposition or what it is that we're actually working on, or all that we have on our plate. Do you need to be better at communicating the whole picture with this person? But we do definitely want to assess the source. If you feel like this person is not a safe person and they're not a safe person with a lot of people that you work with or a lot of people around them, that is something for you to be aware of so that you can rightfully place their opinion of you.
Annie Croner:
And then last but not least, we want to take what's useful and leave the rest. Take the learning from the situation and set aside all of the negativity and take what's useful as the gem of this situation so that you can carry that forward so that there is an actual purpose and reason why we went through this. So we definitely want to take that gem what's useful and just leave the rest. Now I do have a few thoughts to help you reframe the situation and not let others live rent free in your brain. And the first thought that you can adopt from me is someone else's opinion does not define my worth. Someone else's opinion does not define my worth. And I'm a true believer in this. Guys, I think that worthiness just is, you are worthy just by taking up space on this earth, just by drawing breath.
Annie Croner:
So your worth as a human is not defined by someone else's opinion. And this is where it can become really helpful to separate your worth that you offer your executive and organization the value bring to them from your worthiness as a human being. Because oftentimes those things get intertwined and entangled with one another. And that can be super unhelpful whenever anybody has something negative to say about our work or whenever we legitimately make a mistake. Someone else's opinion does not define my worth. The second thought is feedback is simply information. It does not have to be an identity point. For me, feedback is information.
Annie Croner:
What is a data that you have learned that you have now aware of, that you weren't aware of before? So we're going to take that information, we're going to look at that data, and then we're going to decide how we want to show up for it. And then last but not least, we just need to take the wheat and leave the chaff. So the chaff is the outer crust of the wheat that gets blown away in the wind and we just want to take the kernels of wheat and leave the chaff, right? We want to take that nugget that can be helpful, that can propel us forward in our careers or in our lives even. And we just want to leave the rest. So this is what I have for you guys today and how to reframe what others are thinking about you. And sometimes we just need to allow others to be wrong about us and we need to stand in our own enoughness and not look to others to define what enough is for us or even to determine whether or not we are worthy. Okay, this is what I have for you guys today. I hope you found it helpful.
Annie Croner:
If you have a question about this podcast episode, you can always email me at [email protected] and if you've got a question that you want to ask me, you can click the link in the show notes under Ask Annie Anything. And I'm going to be answering more of those questions in the coming weeks. Okay, guys, that's all for now. Hey, before you go, don't forget to grab my free Strategic Planning Session guide. This stealthy playbook will help you and your executive find clarity on their priorities so you can make a greater impact. Go to wholeassistant.com/guide or click the link in the Show Notes to snag your copy. And if you're loving the podcast, please subscribe, leave a review and share with another assistant ready to level up. Thanks for listening, and until next time, keep embracing your badassery.
