Annie Croner:
Welcome to The Whole Assistant Podcast where assistants come to embrace their badassery and discover how to show up more strategically for their careers, their executives, and most importantly, themselves. I'm your coach, Annie Croner. Join us as we dive into the skills, strategies and mindset that will help you unleash your full potential. Let's go. Welcome back to the pod guys. So so this month I am going to be sharing or have already started sharing some hard truths. Last week I shared the hard truth about loyalty. So go back and have a listen.
Annie Croner:
I break down why perhaps being loyal to a company is not such a great idea and where to place your loyalty instead. And today I'm sharing the hard truth around boundaries. I'm going to be breaking down four misconceptions that a lot of us have around boundaries as a way to help you kind of understand what boundaries are and how to implement them them in your work life. So the first kind of misconception around boundaries is that boundaries are confrontational. I think a lot of us have this conflated view in our head whenever we consider setting a boundary, especially at work. We imagine marching into someone's office and laying down the law. And I get this. I understand it can be anxiety provoking for us to set those boundaries.
Annie Croner:
We need to set around our work, both in our work and around our working hours or whatnot. And I also understand like the overall fear because a lot of us are viewing boundary setting as being confrontational and many of us are confrontation avoidant. So I will say that boundaries don't have to be confrontational. Boundaries can just be and they can be a normal course of business. They can be a normal course of action that we take to train people on how we are to be treated and then to train people on what we are willing to do, what falls within the purview of our roles and what doesn't. I know it can be a super challenging thing when you are confronted with someone asking you to do something that falls outside the lines of your roles. And I know these roles often come with that other duties as accepted clause in them. So it is a really good idea though to set some boundaries both in your role and with your role.
Annie Croner:
So in your role, setting boundaries around what type of work you take, on what you do for other people, especially people who are not core to your job function and stuff like that. And they can also be really interesting to set when it comes to setting boundaries with your role, your working hours, what you're willing to do outside of those working hours, etcetera Right. But boundaries don't have to be a confrontational thing. They can just be normal course of business, normal educational things that we do to protect ourselves and to let other people know what the actual job function of our role is. Okay, so that's the misconception, number one that I want to share with you guys today. The second misconception that I want to share about boundaries and is that boundaries aren't about controlling other people. There's just a lot of misinformation online these days around boundaries. You see people on social media saying, I cut this person out of my life, and I set a really hard and clear boundary.
Annie Croner:
Okay, great. Cutting people out of your life is wonderful and necessary sometimes, and I do not want to minimize that. But when I talk about boundaries, what I'm talking about is creating safety within the relationship and creating safety in the relationship with you and your role, creating safety in the relationship with you and your executive and creating safety in the relationship with you and your colleagues and co workers so that everybody is on the same page and everybody has the same understanding with regards to your job and what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do. Okay? So when I talk about setting boundaries, I am not at all talking about controlling other people. A great example of this was given to me several years ago from my coach. You may have heard me tell this story before, especially if you've been listening to the podcast for a long time, but my coach was going to meet some friends for dinner, and she had a friend who was chronically late. And so they were planning on meeting at my coach's house and leaving from there. And my coach told this one friend who was chronically late, hey, we're going to wait here for 15 minutes.
Annie Croner:
If you're not here by the time that 15 minutes is up, we're just going to go to the restaurant and we will see you there. That is a great example of setting a boundary because it's taking ownership about what my coach was going to do. She was taking ownership of herself in that moment. So I just want to remind you all that boundaries are all about how you decide to show up for yourself in any situation. They are not about controlling other people. So instead of getting frustrated and flustered that this person isn't doing what you want them to do, or they're asking you to do something after you've already expressed the boundary, just consider how are you showing up for yourself in that situation. And I think often we are the number one violators of our own boundaries. So we will actually express the boundary.
Annie Croner:
We'll set the boundary. Like say you want to set a boundary that you aren't going to check work email after hours and you want your executive to text you in the event of an emergency. And then what happens? We actually check our email after hours and we notice that our executive has sent us an email. And so what do we do? We respond to that email. And so that's counterintuitive. We're countering our own boundary in that moment. So just pay attention to those things. Boundaries are all about how you decide to show up for yourself.
Annie Croner:
And I also just want to share that the window is open as I'm recording this. It is a very warm March day and I get very few warm March days. So my window is actually open. So if you hear any ancillary noise, if you hear my dog Milo barking in the background, it's because people are outside and enjoying themselves and Milo can't help himself. Or if you hear some background noise from my window, just please know that too. I just wanted the fresh air, so I apologize if it's distracting, but at this point today, I'm just going with it. So here we are. Another consideration when it comes to boundaries is that boundaries shouldn't be set as a knee jerk reaction.
Annie Croner:
There was a time in my life where I was very unboundaried, where I had very, very few boundaries in my life. And then once I got healthy, once I had this very physical episode happen, I ended up throwing up boundaries like I was handing out candy. I'm like, and you get a boundary, and you get a boundary and you get a boundary. Probably not the best approach, but I had recognized in that moment during that season of my life that I just needed to be a bit more boundaried with certain things instead of being a people pleaser, instead of chasing that next dopamine hit from making someone else happy. Right? So just pay attention. This can happen a lot, especially when you are in a new role and your last role was maybe toxic or unhealthy. It can be very tempting either to set a boundary as a knee jerk reaction, or we can just feel this knee jerk reaction inside of us that doesn't feel good based on our previous situation and. But we're not in that situation anymore.
Annie Croner:
We're in this new situation. And I like to call that the whiplash effect because we're just reacting in the way that we have trained ourselves to react based in an old dynamic. So just pay attention. If you're especially if you're in a new dynamic and it's a healthier dynamic and you actually enjoy the dynamic. Be intentional with boundary setting and there again, you want to set those boundaries early on. If you're starting a new role, you want to let people know what to expect up front. Not that we can't set them at any time, because you totally can. But especially as you're starting a new role, really be intentional with what you want this role to look like and really have those conversations early on.
Annie Croner:
Okay, Last but not least, boundaries are not a way to keep people out. I know I mentioned this earlier on in our episode, but I do want to share this. I want to emphasize this. Boundaries are not a way to keep people out there. Again, there is a time and a place for cutting people out of our lives, but in the context of what we're talking about today, boundaries are meant to connect, not to disconnect. Okay, so those are the hard truths that I decided to share with you guys about boundaries. These truths come up a lot as I'm coaching clients one on one and in my group program as well. Just wanted to share them with you.
Annie Croner:
So that is what I have for you guys to get today. Another short and sweet episode. Be intentional. Be whole. That is all for now. Hey, before you go, don't forget to grab my free Strategic Planning Session guide. This stealthy playbook will help you and your executive find clarity on their priorities so you can make a greater impact. Go to wholeassistant.com/guide or click the link in the Show Notes to snag your copy.
Annie Croner:
And if you're loving the podcast, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with another assistant ready to level up. Thanks for listening and until next time, keep embracing your badassery.
