Annie:
Welcome to The Whole Assistant Podcast. I'm your host, Annie Croner. I'm a former assistant who's passionate about our profession, and I'm also a certified coach who's invested in your success. You've come to the right place if you want to know what it looks like to stand in your power and achieve success as an assistant who can overwhelm and burnout. Now, on to today's episode. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am really excited to be sharing with you guys. Today we are going to be talking about the silver bullet and the myth of the silver bullet.
Annie:
So I've just noticed among especially high achievers that whenever we are trying to level up or want to achieve something, that we believe that there's one thing that we're missing, there's one thing that will help you level up that nobody knows about, that you don't yet know about. And we think there's some sort of magic pill that we can take that is going to help us level up. Or we think that there's a silver bullet. And on the quest for a silver bullet, we're actually doing ourselves a disservice. So what people are actually looking for when they are looking for the silver bullet, when they're looking for that one thing that is going to help them level up is an arrival point. There are actually two things. The first one is an arrival point. But the reality is that when it comes to growth, when it comes to really leveling up, there is no there.
Annie:
I'm using parentheses around there, air quotes, there. There is no arrival points to growth. Even when we make progress on our goals, like goals and confidence, skill set, goals, boundaries, improved self concept, all of those bits and pieces, time management, all of it. Many of us are viewing these goals as an arrival point instead of an iterative process. The reality is that everything in life is iterative and the growth journey itself is a journey. There is no end point at which we magically arrive and everything is 100% better all the time. That is a perfectionist fantasy. And you guys, I get it.
Annie:
I get the desire. I really do get the desire to improve. I really do get the desire to find things that are going to improve our lives, that are going to streamline our processes, that are going to make things better and smoother for us, that are going to improve our relationship with our executive, that are going to improve our work life integration. But it is all an iterative process. And so what we're looking for or what our brain is looking for, whenever we are trying to find the next one thing to help us level up is really certainty. It's the one thing that can help us manage everything else, right? That one silver bullet, the one ring to rule them all. And we can, we can become obsessed with this instead of viewing our journey as iterative. And also whenever we arrive.
Annie:
It is funny because like the self concept piece is a big thing and I'm going to get into that in a minute and how even our self concept can hold us back, even though we can level up our self concept. I've seen it time and again with my coaching clients, especially as my coaching clients are becoming more high achievers. I'm working a lot with people who are working in really fast paced environments, who are super high achievers, and I love it. I love my work. But this is the one kind of drawback I've just noticed, is that there is no room for the process, there is no room for iteration there, and which basically means there is no room for growth. So if you're looking for an arrival point, let me save you the bated breath. There isn't one. There is no point at which you can arrive, no magical arrival point which will make everything better for you.
Annie:
Okay? And I will also say that that kind of thought that there is is kind of based in perfectionist fantasy. If you believe that there's some perfect arrival point out there, then you're going to be let down, because that is an iteration of a perfectionist fantasy, like this idea that everything is going to be utopian once you achieve a certain level or once you arrive at a certain point. So that's the first thing that most people are looking for whenever they are believing in this silver bullet idea of finding the one thing that will help them level up, looking for that one, like almost red herring. The second thing that people are looking for is to feel a certain way. The reason we actually want to find the one thing that's going to help us level up is because we think that that is going to cause us to feel a certain way. We expect to feel a certain way whenever we reach our goals. But what happens as we go down the path of growth and as we are like striving for our goals, as we're working towards our goals, and I've seen this time and again with my clients, is that we begin to level up our self concept and then we begin to believe that these new things are possible for us, and we begin to see progress and we begin to see all those magical, amazing things, and yet we slip back every now and then into old patterns. And then we think something's wrong with us.
Annie:
And then when we reach the end of our time together or the end of our journey together as a coach and coachee, I guess, is that we've leveled up our self concepts so much that the goal was inevitable because we've made so much progress and we've seen so much change in ourselves and we are now beginning to respect ourselves differently. Our self concept has taken on a whole new life and a whole new form that whenever we reach the goals, there's almost a feeling of letdown, there's almost a feeling of like, oh, my gosh, I thought this would feel differently, right? So that's another thing that can happen, is that we expect to feel a certain way. But I will tell you, feelings come the actual feelings, actual emotion comes from a thought you're thinking in your brain. So what often happens is we'll bring along these old thoughts for the journey, even though we've leveled up our self concept. And where you go, there you are. So then we're at this new place, we've achieved this new goal, and we're still feeling kind of crummy, or we're still feeling like there must be more. Like, why can't I figure out what the next, why can't I figure out what that one thing is that's going to make me feel better? And the reality is that until you actually change your way of thinking about that mystical one thing, until you actually change your way of thinking about that myth of the silver bullet and the myth that there's some arrival point, your feelings will never change. This happens a lot in entrepreneurship, too.
Annie:
Like people who think that a certain amount of money is going to lead to more fulfillment, is going to lead to more happiness. Like people who strive to reach the million dollar mark in their business, and then they finally get there and they actually feel extremely let down because their feelings haven't changed at all, because that thing existed outside of them and they strove for it so much. Then once they finally achieve it, they're let down. Because where their brain goes, there they are. Where you go, there you are. So if you really want to change how you're feeling, you have to change how you're deciding to think about your situation. So for me, this looks a lot like celebrating my wins, taking the time to pause and actually celebrate how far I've come, actually celebrate all those wins, actually celebrate myself. And I'm often encouraging my clients to do the same.
Annie:
And I've off boarded a lot of clients recently, like, and one on one clients who've gone through my one on one coaching program. And we talk about this, and I'm like, you have achieved this. You have achieved this. You have achieved this. Then I go back to their old mentality, their own mindset. I'm like, you've come so far. And I can totally see their growth from the outside looking in, I can see how much they've leveled up. I can see all the change.
Annie:
But because they're the one incrementally changing, they can't see it. It is fascinating to me to watch this process time and again as I walk through the process of helping my clients level up and also the reality that there is no arrival point at the end of growth. There is no there there. So this idea of this magical silver bullet that's going to be like, a fixer of all things, it does not exist. It is a myth. Okay, so let's talk about letting go of the myth first of all. So first, the first step in letting go of the myth is to recognize the magic is in the mundane. Progress happens when you do the boring stuff day in, day out, creating the processes, setting healthy parameters around your time and energy, saying no when you need to, standing up for yourself a bit more.
Annie:
And those processes are the foundation of your strategic partnership. But what I see so often, especially with my group coaching clients, they're like, yeah, Annie, like, I don't feel any different, like, what's going on? And like, well, have you actually created the processes you need to create? Well, no. Okay. You can't actually build trust unless you have process in place, because process creates predictability for your brain. And predictability for your brain then creates a more, more trustworthy way of showing up. Things are going to fall through the cracks less if you've got a process in place for managing all your tasks. Things are going to fall through the cracks less if you are strategically showing up for your time. And also, things are going to fall through the cracks list if you set the healthy parameters around your time and energy.
Annie:
But we don't actually take time to create the processes because we have this belief that there's a silver bullet out there that's going to help us to show up more strategically for our executives without actually doing the mundane things. The magic is in the mundane. It truly, truly is. So that's the first kind of strategy I have for letting go of this myth of the silver bulletin. The second strategy is to release the thought that you're missing something or that something is wrong with you when things are not 100% perfect, or at least question the thought that you're missing something or that you should be perfect 100% of the time, or that, like, there should be an end goal to your growth. This is all rooted in perfectionism. So we need to release that so that we can actually see our wins, so that we can celebrate our wins. And that's my last kind of strategy for letting go of this myth of a silver bullet, is to recognize your progress.
Annie:
Many of us have worked on onboarding new beliefs about ourselves. And so whenever we reach those goals, there again, it just feels like, well, of course, of course, every set goal. Because I've. I've deliberately worked on my thoughts about myself. I deliberately worked on these things. And so we fail to recognize our progress because we're like, okay, that's great, onto the next thing. Because generally it's rooted in some belief that there's something that we need to fix that's wrong with us. When you are perfect to begin with, where you are in your journey is perfect.
Annie:
And for me, I want to meet the next version of myself. I want to know what she's like. I want to get to know her. I want to, like, intentionally decide how I show up for people and show up for situations. And in order for me to actually do that, I have to recognize my progress. I have to really celebrate my wins and observe them and not be on to the next thing. In search of the silver bullet, in search of the one thing that is going to fix me in some way. Because truth is, I'm not broke, broken to begin with.
Annie:
Yes, I want to meet the next version of myself, 100% true. And yes, I've got some growing that I like to do. 100% true. And I'm the perfect version of myself right now. And five years ago, I was a perfect version of myself then. Okay, so growth is a journey. It is iterative. The myth of the silver bullet will actually keep you stuck and spinning out and looking for something outside of yourself to solve the problem instead of looking inward, instead of celebrating those wins, instead of deciding on purpose how you want to think so that you can change how you feel in the moment so you can show up proud of yourself instead of always grasping for your next fix in terms of growth, for the silver bullet, for the one thing that is going to make all the other things better, because it does not exist.
Annie:
Okay, so I know that this episode is really short and sweet. I. But I wanted to name the myth of the silver bullet because I have a feeling that especially for my high achieving executive assistants, this one thing is holding us all back. Okay, so that is what I have for you guys today. Be intentional. Be whole. That is all for now. I help assistants apply the concepts I share on this podcast.
Annie:
If you're ready to take your growth deeper and you're curious whether working with me in a coaching capacity is right for you, please email me at [email protected] to schedule your complimentary discovery call.
